Nothing and no one can prepare us for the death of a partner. It can be the end of a strong and loving relationship or may offer release from an unhappy one. It may be the end of pain and suffering or a tragic untimely death that comes as a complete shock. With children involved the situation can be doubly difficult to cope with.
Depending on your circumstances, seeking professional counselling can be the best course of action. Talking to someone who understands the issues you may be facing in a neutral and safe environment can be the best way of dealing with grief, guilt, anger, desolation and confusion. The death of a partner can involve so many different circumstances and 'set feelings' do not apply. For this reason talking to family and friends is not always possible or the right thing to do although in many cases it will be vital and hugely beneficial.
Children will also need special consideration at this time. In the midst of your own emotional trauma it is vital to recognise that, even if they seem emotionally stable, they will need to talk and be reassured. Few will have friends that can offer support so it is essential that they can talk to you or other family members and if this is not possible they too may need help from a counsellor.

For bereavement counselling you can contact

CRUSE
0208 940 4818
e-mail info@crusebereavementcare.org.uk

The Samaritans
0345 909090

Compassionate Friends
0117 953 9639

National Association of Bereavement Services
0207 247 0617

On a practical level, at a time in your life when you do not want to be faced with organising and making arrangements, you will need to deal with funeral arrangements, to notify people and to undertake a number of other tasks which by law will have to be done. e.g.
- Obtain medical certificate
- Attend Registrars office
- Sign official records
- Collect certificates and orders

Obviously you will need to arrange a funeral. If you are unable to finance this yourself you may be entitled to some help.

In most cases your partner's interests will automatically pass to you if you were married, even if they did not have a will. You will need to inform banks, mortgage lenders, insurance companies, credit card companies and advise council tax, gas, electricity and telephone companies of the change in your circumstances. If you are unable to find this information, check bank statements to find out about direct debits as a starting point. Primarily you will need to find out about any life insurance policies which should be claimed on. If death was due to an accident then your solicitor will need to advise you of further action that you may wish to take. If a will has been made and you were not the beneficiary, you may wish to contest the will. Again, you may need a solicitor's advice. If you and your partner were still legally married and even if you were not living together, it is possible to contest a will. If no will has been made then you may still be the main beneficiary. See a solicitor or refer to the website of 'Lawrights' for information. If you find yourself with no income and a large number of debts to be paid you may need legal advice on what action to take.